Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
high people should be assigned attendants
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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