I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
