I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
