You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
