he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
