Ambien. No doubt about it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
