OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
