mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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