Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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