So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
