R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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