Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
