a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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