someone get that fucking seahorse.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
