totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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