Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
