and she was petting her beer can
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
