I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
