i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
