sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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