You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
