I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
