remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
