I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
