pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I cut my penus on the lid.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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