Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
