It's Friday. Sex?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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