Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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