Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
