Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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