im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
