I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
