So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
