I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
