I bet he comes in French.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
