Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im holly from the hills drunk
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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