I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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