Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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