is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
