I wish i was in the wii world.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
