Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
