i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
