Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
