i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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