I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
