No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
