That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
