dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
