sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
