Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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