Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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