I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
