I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
